Archive for the ‘Love’ Category

Dated 2015, the number of divorces in India have increased from early 2000. To cite an example, 11,667 cases of divorce were filed in Mumbai in 2014 up from 5245 cases in 2010.
More than 50% of divorce cases are young couples.
A word that even didn’t exist in our Indian dictionary is now happening with every other friend, relative or acquaintance we hear of!
(BTW this article is mainly addressed to couple settled in metros and cities and not villages)

Now lets take a very simple approach to understand this –

What are the possible reasons why Divorce has increased so much?
i) Women have become much stronger than earlier 
So is that good or bad? Of course..it is good for the women and even society. BUT when a women gets equally educated, well earning and independent…she expects her husband to treat her with dignity…and right fully so. This is where the husband misses out.
Many times, independent wives can’t take any shit from her husband and their egos are very high, just like her male partner. These ego clashes lead to high expectations and silly fights which eventually pile on and on.

ii) Lack of trust
One has to trust each other in an marriage. It of course is subjected to infidelity from anyone, but this is under the assumption that both are clean but one doesn’t trust the other partner in many aspects

iii) Missing the simple secret of successful married life – Communication
This is where most couples go wrong! They expect that the other partner will understand WITHOUT TELLING him/her but please get this straight. It is NEVER going to happen.

iv) Wrong choice of partners
Love is blind…deaf, dumb and brainless. One falls in love with a person, but totally ignores the practical aspects of life. Even when mature people around them warn them of the practical aspects, they are too stubborn and go ahead with their stupid choice of partner.
After the marriage, they realize that they have married an idiot and get reminded of all the things that their near and dear ones had already warned of. Thus unable to sustain the pressure of their stupid life partner, they eventually file for divorce.

v) Lesser time to understand life partners in arranged marriage
Now this is an unfortunate unlike all the other reasons, where only the couple is to be blamed. I really feel bad in this case, as in arranged marriage one actually is not allowed time to know his/her potential life partner.
So after few months or years of marriage, they realize that they married a very wrong person

vi) Marrying at a young age, that too love marriage
Now this are typical cases of college/school lovers, where both of them are of the same age. Due to society pressure and other reasons, they end up marrying in their early 20’s. There is nothing wrong in marrying early, but it is just that both are immature and can’t handle things with maturity.

vii) Lesser Tolerance
This is an extension of the first point, where both husband and wife lack patience. They are incapable of thinking and acting calmly over things

viii) Misconception that ONLY LOVE is enough for getting married
Here is the biggest blunder everyone makes. Love between a boy and girl is NOT the most important thing to get married. Many young couples love each but forget to consider the other important practical parameters needed to sustain in marriage.
Then after few months or couple of years of marriage, they just can’t tolerate each other although love is still there between them

ix) Boy changed after marriage
This is most famous statement given by the wife in various divorce cases. Well…they are actually telling the truth that the boy actually changed.
Typically boy tends to take the wife for granted after marriage and doesn’t treat her the way, he did before the marriage

Reasons like infidelity, extra marital affair, partner being gay, dowry, etc aren’t covered because all these reason are because of any 3rd party or unavoidable or cheating cases. This article for those young couples where the the divorce could have been easily avoided with some sensible approach from the boy and girl.

So how to AVOID Divorce and eradicate the fear of divorce forever?
i) Just remove that option totally from your life
Just remove the word of divorce from the dictionary of your married life. Thus it will never be seen as resort even in the worst conditions.
So the couple would be forced to think of all other options of solving the issue, except divorce

ii) Act early
Don’t wait for things to pile on. Don’t wait for the time that your better half will come to you and make the first move to resolve issues.
Please act early

iii) Try various modes of communication
Very few people on earth have the ability to verbally and aesthetically communicate things. Still talking face to face remains the safest way to communicate, as chances of misinterpretation are less.
Written form of communication is also good, but chances of misunderstanding is very high

iv) Form a Habit together
This is an awesome way for bonding between 2 people. People tend to come even closer because of it.

Having said all I would strongly advocate a divorce in  case of ‘extreme magnitude’ of domestic violence, physco husband/wife, dowry, etc. But please don’t overkill/ overhype/ overestimate the term ‘extreme magnitude’. Else for e.g. just only once the husband happens to hit the wife by chance, the wife can’t treat it as ‘extreme magnitude’ of violence and file for divorce 😉

Please get back me for any doubts by commenting below.

Cheers,
Deepesh Chandran

 

How to win heart of the girl you love!

Posted: January 17, 2015 in Love

Yes…it is ‘THAT QUESTION’ which has haunted the  non- fairer sex hailing from Mars for ages and many still seek the answer of this internal question.

So lets dive straight into the answer and the prerequisites for it :

Prerequisites
1. You need to actually and truly love this girl –
This won’t work if you have temporary fad or for that matter a strong crush on her. This has to be true love for her, else it might be evident in the later part of your relationship

2. Be ready to invest time, energy and patience –
This could take weeks, months and years as well. Men tend to give up easily and don’t have the guts to continue the hard work for a longer period

3. You need to be your own self –
All of your attempts will fail if you are not being your own self in your entire endeavors. If you try to act like someone whom you aren’t, then you can have undesirable results in the long run.

So now what the hell is the answer?
The answer is perseverance 🙂
No girl is going to say ‘yes’ right away, when you propose. She might shy away, get angry, might get shocked and not even talk with you, serve you tantrums, give you the gyan that ‘hum acche dost hain par uss angle se maine socha nahi‘ ‘woh sab toh theek hai par uss bare mein maine socha nahi‘, etc etc

But as I repeat that if you really love her and she has even 1% of fondness for you, then you always have a chance with your perseverance. So that is the good news and now start with getting your acts together.

How should I go ahead with my perseverance?
1. Show the love –
You won’t lose anything if you are vocal about it. As you anyways love her, tell her how much you love. Please don’t overboard and repeatedly irritate her. Keep your timings correct

2. What does a woman want? –
A woman only wants that the man loves her madly. Love her more than anybody on this earth
So please show her the same as you anyways love her madly

3. Take the Risk-
Never be afraid to take the risk and express your feelings to her. Worst case she is going to say a no. It is much better than she not knowing that you love her or rather how much you love her

4. Show the Shahrukh Khan in you –
Romance doesn’t come easily to anybody. But one has to show it. Not all can speak speak smoothly like a James Bond, but you need to try in your own style. Show the girl that reel Shahrukh Khan is only in movies, but a real life Shahrukh Khan is in front of her.

5. Try being filmy –
Every girl on earth loves it, although they might tell contrary things to you. Which girl wouldn’t like when  you attempt to write a poem for her, when you try and sing her favorite song, when you do all those stupid things done in movies!! Of course…your girl will like it. It is just that men give up  after few attempts.

  • Give the small little gifts that you can manage (Cost is never given the higher  preference, but the right choice of gift is)
  • Show the care for her in the little things in her life
  • Compliment her genuinely, whenever she looks good
  • Do things that she likes and not things that you feel and like. e..g- You might like red roses and would be gifting her the same, but she always liked white roses!

BUT having said everything, don’t forget the biggest prerequisites i.e. of not having fake love with her. If it is in the attempt to use the girl, then entire above article will become null and void for you.

So go ahead …fall in love and make her loved one also fall in love with you! For doubts and detailed answers, please comment in the below comment box 😉

Cheers,
Deepesh Chandran

Now let the girl impress you

Posted: January 3, 2015 in Beautiful Life, Love

This article is for all guys aged between 18-28. The reason being that the most guys aged 29 and above are already married.

Now the meaning of love changes as our age changes. Every time the meaning of love seems correct, depending on  your corresponding age.
Lets come to one good advice to be given to  all young turks/singleton guys/ i-wanna-have-gf wannabes.

We all have watched many Hollywood movies, where the guy tells the girl in the mushiest, heart touching dialogs like ‘Hence forth the only aim of my life would be to bring a smile on your face’ , ‘ Every day, every moment of mine belongs to you’ , ‘I would do this blah blah ,blue blue, blee blee for you’ and etc
Now ask yourselves what should be the aim of the girl here? Is her job is to only keep accepting and enjoying the happiness being bestowed by guy? Why can’t the girl’s aim be to keep you happy for every single moment for the entire life?

@single guys-  you might have spend most of your life running behind a girl, doing various things for her, in many ways being used by her and trying to impress a girl. It is really not a sensible  thing to do. The girl who is very much out of your reach, who has her qualms of her ideal partner, who will always consider you ‘just a friend’, who is always confused about her ideal guy, etc  ..just doesn’t deserve your sweet efforts.

SO WHAT DO YOU DO THEN?
1) Love your own space. Love your self. Improve your own self. Enjoy your space. And the best news is that there are millions of ways to do that.
2) Make yourself so good, that eventually someone will come to your life who will love and respect you for the fantastic person that you actually are. NOW LET THE GIRL IMPRESS YOU.
3) One should always like and love some girl, BUT put in your time, energy and efforts on her only if she deserves so and more importantly if she reciprocates so

Enough of Gyan and looking for a practical Plan of Action? So here is it-
PRACTICAL PLAN OF ACTION
1) IF You love a girl, you should definitely express your feelings to her. She would have definitely spurn your overtures (Else you wouldn’t be reading this article :P). If you really love her, be around her as friend but keep telling her that he love her. BUT  DON’T DARE go on to all stupid things to impress. She has to to like you for your true nature and not for what you are forcefully doing, only to impress her.
If the girl is really sensible, she will quietly observe you and evaluate you for a long period of time. If things have to happen, it will happen.
2) IF You like a girl, but she is a filmy girl  and dreamy Walt Disney story believer  and has huge pile of expectations…then then then….RUN AWAY
3) IF You like a girl who is just 22 years and you are 29 years..then then then…RUN AWAY.
4) IF You like a girl,with whom you are most comfortable,who is genuinely impressed with your original traits & nature, with whom silence is comfortable …then then then …MARRY HER
5) IF you like a girl, is from higher class of society than you, much more good looking than you are, is like totally hi-fi  …then then then…no need to run away,but you shouldn’t ideally marry her. The reason being that she happens to a high maintenance girl. Can she live in the current society where you are staying? Can she adjust from her high standards to your middle class standards? Can you even live up to her high expectations? Most often the answer would be a NO.
You would be under tremendous pressure for your entire life in only matching up to her expectations and standards. In short, you would be in a forced mode to always impress her.

NEED SOME TESTIMONIALS-
Need testimonials as to what happens when you invest time on improving yourself and not unnecessarily  waste your time on impressing girls?
Ask all the 28 year plus men whom you know or their friends, who were royally rejected by many girls in their younger days. But they worked hard in life, got great jobs and are now financially and mentally stable. Now they have even more beautiful and sensible wives than the girls who rejected them earlier.

So stop to impress the girl – improve yourself- where eventually someone impresses you 🙂

Cheers,
Deepesh Chandran

How much ever Bollywood/Hollywood  romantic movies inspire us, how much ever attempts we make to ‘patofy’ a girl, how many times we dream of having a love marriage…the fact remains that 80% of marriages in India still happen to be ‘ARRANGED MARRIAGE’

So having accepted this fact, how and what does one do while choosing the right boy/girl through arranged marriage?
Here is what we can do while choosing the right guy/girl in arranged!

Choosing the guy/girl for arranged marriage:

@Boys – When you meet the girl for the first time, please don’t  start with asking the sterotype Q’s like “what do you expect from your life partner”, “do you know cooking”, “what you expect from the marriage” etc etc. First make her feel comfortable with you, so start with topics which would interest her. Discuss about the latest good movie running these days. If she likes dancing,discuss about Madhuri Dixit and her grace. Girls love to discuss on such topics. Her stiff body language would ease up and she would start behaving her own self. You would be marrying this girl,so she needs be her own self when she is talking with you. As the conversation hits from there, you would surprisingly get the answers of your sterotype questions in the midst of your talk . If you don’t get it, when conversation extends, you can sneak in your sterotype Q’s
Being funny is not everyone’s cup of tea but cracking a joke here and there, lightens the situation a lot. Santa-Banta jokes are not necessary, even real life funny incidents can also do the needful.

MOST IMPORTANTLY..please be your own self! In arranged marriage, you both might not get many chances to meet, that she can know the ‘real you’ after every new meeting. If she has to like you, it has to be the real you. If you are shy,so be it! Some girls find shy really cute.

DONTS-

  1. Try avoiding bragging about yourself. You might be a Hritik Roshan, but no need to showcase it. It is a big turn-off for many girls. If she has to get impressed by you, she definitely will get, without your bragging.
  2. Hiding things. Honesty is highly needed in an arranged marriage. Some things can’t be told in the first meeting, but they have to told in the next meeting
  3. Wear clothes which you usually wear. No need to wear a formal clothes to prove that you are a good boy.
  4. Don’t judge the girl highly on looks. After 15 years, neither you nor she are going to look great. Always look for qualities by which she can be a great companion for the next 50 years of your married life. Of course she needs to carry herself well, is what you need to check

 

@Girls – Ideally when you meet for the first time the guy is supposed to break the ice, but not all boys may be outspoken. So there is no harm in you yourself doing the honors of breaking the ice.
Always remember that you both have positively come to meet each other, so both would be tensed, excited and  positively looking forward.
Indian boys are typically interested in cricket, video games , movies, food and Sunny Leone 😉 . Of course you need not discuss the last topic 😛 . Girls are mostly lesser interested in cricket and movies, so movies and food happens to be common topic very often! You never know how amazingly you can hit off, once you find a strong common point of interest.

Now I must admit that it tougher for a girl to actually analyze if the boy is faking or is he genuine or not. Your parents will only see if the boy is earning well and if he comes from a decent family. They always tend ignore other things. So the onus is only on you to find if the guy’s nature is good or not, is he genuine, is his nature compatible with my nature, etc. How on earth do you find it out?
Take your time here and don’t get flown away. Try thinking more from head than from heart. Consult sensible and mature people in your life about this prospect and his nature. Don’t take advice from dumm girls.

DONTS-

  1. Please don’t probe much into his job and profession. For sure, your parents will do that job for you. Although salary is a critical factor, don’t make him feel like he is sitting in a job interview.
  2. In an Indian arranged marriage, the highest criteria for a ideal groom is his salary. My suggestion- don’t give it so much high preference. He might be highly qualified, just that he hasn’t got his right break till now. So judge him overall for his professional growth
  3. Hell with the looks, only check if he carries himself well with the whatever looks God has given him.
  4. If you had already prepared a list of 10 points that you seek in your potential husband, and if the guy in front fulfills even 6/10 or 7/10  of the points….marry that guy. You can never get 9/10 or 10/10.

When the engagement happens-
“Time” is biggest problem in arranged marriage. You get to spend little time with this guy/girl and  as soon as things seem positive by then, parents get you both engaged. Well, we can’t do anything with it and have to live with this issue. But please try and keep a little long gap between engagement and marriage i.e. courtship period.
It is the most beautiful period of your life, when things are clicking with you both. You would love it. That is one good reason, why you need a little long courtship period.
If things aren’t clicking well within you both, then take your time. Please analyze each other’s priorities.
Most importantly, if things go really very bad between you and everything is going out of hand, then its OK, you can OPT OUT from the marriage. Its better to have broken engagement, than marrying the wrong person

So summarizing the entire blog, please go ahead and successfully get into this sacred and great institution called Arranged Marriage. Feel free to ask me any doubts by commenting on my blog. Just in case, I don’t happen to reply to your queries on this blog, you can approach me on this contact details below.

I do professional paid consultation for arranged marriages, so for any doubts in arranged marriage – please contact me at deepesh.chandran29@gmail.com or 91-9970838025 and have my setup in Pune

Cheers,
Deepesh Chandran