About

Hi All. I am Deepesh Chandran, a working professional born, brought up and based in Pune.

I hope to express my view points to you, through my blog. Hope you enjoy reading it.

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Comments
  1. Naresh says:

    Hello Deepesh,
    I’ve been following your blog for a while and I’d like to commend you on the great advice you’ve been providing. I’m really in a quandry here and would really like your help on this one.

    I’m a 30 year old chartered accountant working at a good company. I’m simple, chilled out, fun loving, quiet and usually open up only to a select group of individuals like my family and very close friends. I’ve been in some relationships though none were physical. I’m someone who puts in a lot of value and dedication in those and unfortunately, in all of them, not a single person took a fraction of the effort and sincerity I used to put in. Though my family is pretty liberal, I trust them and chose to go via the arranged marriage route.

    A lot of prospects later, I’ve narrowed them down to two. One’s working in an IT company. I’ve met her multiple times, talked a lot and is in touch with her. She’s good looking, independent, smart, a good listener, has been straightforward in admitting the negative traits she has and encourages me to open up to her. I like the fact that she has been straight about herself with me- it’s kind of a rare trait. However, she has some flaws like losing her temper for silly reasons and is fussy and unable to adjust with certain people and situations as she has been a bit pampered. She is also a bit cold and distant with people, taking her time to warm up to others and is a bit superficial by attaching a lot of importance to a person’s appearance. I’m okay with some things like the short temper thing and even the cold and distant nature is understandable (since she has been warming up to me as we are talking more) but the inflexible nature is kind of a turnoff as I am a very accommodating person by nature. I kind of get irritated when people make a fuss about things when I find perfectly no reason to. There’s also the situation where others will misunderstand her- I would know that she’s protecting herself by being a bit distant and taking time to warm up to people, but those who do not know her (like my relatives) are sure to be offended by mistaking that demeanor to be that of haughtiness.

    The other is a chartered accountant that’s also good looking in her own way, settled in her job and obviously smart. Hers is a somewhat conservative family and the catch here is that my parents have been in contact with hers and I’ve had no real contact with her apart from meeting her at her home once with the family. So, it is kind of unfair and hard to compare and choose between the both of them. I’ve been able to observe only a few things. Since she’s a single child, she has been protected and sheltered by her mother who used to go with her even to training sessions. A result of that could be the same inflexible nature one develops because everything’s done as she likes by her parents.

    In some levels, both individuals seem similar in character. They are both independent, smart, good at their jobs, are a bit fussy and inadjustable, and good looking (with my preference to the IT girl). I’m really, really confused right now. One’s a flawed person whom I’ve known (at least a little) for a while and who has an idea of who I am. It would be really difficult for me to reject her. The CA is a person with whom the only known common ground is the same profession and whom I barely know at all. My parents are a bit biased towards her and would have a hard time to say no to her. I cannot meet or talk to the CA girl another time as her parents are already acting like the marriage is fixed and all set and I do not want to give them or her any false hopes. Please try to reply at your earliest convenience- I’ll have to communicate to them by this week. Thanks.

  2. Shivani says:

    I just want to understand the way i communicated with him is this a wrong way to go with someone in Arrange marriage which i explained you the details in the first. So will be alert for next time.

  3. Shivani says:

    Hello sir,

    I really liked your blog and great thing you do to help people finding their ways.

    I am 29 year old and working in IT firm.I met with person in the matrimonial site and like his profile and send him request and he accepted my request. We are in same caste.I stay in Mumbai and he is in USA from last 7 years working in Indian IT firm and his family in India. we share each other number started texting then we started chat on call on every weekend. one month later he told to his mom about me and i spoke with his mom with short introduction of myself. We both spoke on call almost 2 month and one day i told him my parents are also looking proposal for me and today one guy is coming to see me at my home. I asked him when you will come india to see me but he is also not sure when he will get off from work to come India and will meet he said it will take 5-6 months to come India now there is some leave issue in office.i express him i really liked him now and want to marry with him.We seen each other only once on video call but his voice and straight forward nature somewhere impressed me and i get very emotional about him.I asked him if i married with someone is it fine with you at that time he told its your decision with whom you want to get marry.somewhere i get upset at that time because he said its yours decision with whom you want to get marry and i disconnected the call at that moment to saying bye to him because i was tense at that moment. Next day i felt might be i hurt him to say such things about my marriage and feelings.so next day I messaged him sorry if i hurt you i was tense at the time but he is not replied me of my messages and after that suddenly he stop messaging me and not even replying any of my messages.Even i tried calling him so many times but he is not answering my call also.I don’t know might be he is ignoring me now or what.Now it has been 2 weeks there is no chat and call.

    Now every day i’m feeling i lost a good proposal and even I don’t know he have feeling for me or not in call he speaks very straight forwardly but he is very fun loving nature person and somewhere i spoke with him very emotionally everyday and now i’m missing him very badly.I really liked this person.

    Please let me know how to proceed and convince him. Thanks in advance

    • Shivani,

      If hez gone, then hez gone and unfortunately there is nothing much you can do about it. Such incidents keep happening in arranged marriage and is very common.
      Lets call it – mini heartbreaks within arranged marriage, where you a lose a good prospect.

      You did your bit by saying sorry and following up with him and i suggest you to do it for just one week more.
      If he doesn’t respond still, then suggest you to look for better prospects. I am sure you will find better ones 🙂

      • Shivani says:

        Sir,

        Thank you so much sir for reply.

        I won’t understand something i did wrong in my conversation with him. Sir could You please suggest me now what i will messaged him and express what i feel about him and i don’t know he will understand me because i am very badly missing him and feeling guilty also on myself.

      • Hi Shivani,

        I can understand your feeling when you are missing him badly. What I sense is that he has made his mind and no use wanting him now.
        You will feel bad for few days and then you will recover. That’s how life is!

        If you are really desperate, then call or find him by other means…not just whatsapp or email.
        Catch hold of his friends or anyone who can connect you with him. Then speak your heart out.

  4. Male doctor with immature fiancee says:

    Hello Deepesh, first of all I would like to congratulate you for fantastic job and thank you very much for enlightening us regarding marriage decisions.
    I would like to get some advice from you before that here is my introduction :
    I’m a 30 year old male doctor, shy, emotional ,caring person, believe in mutual respect, never had a relationship.
    I’m from a traditional family so me and my family had seen a girl in a traditional meeting with old fashioned questions and then I got engaged ten days ago.
    Some info about that girl – she is an ayurveda doctor, but average in looks, she talks too much, she some time does self appraisal, some time she says she is not that much mature and her mistakes should not be taken seriously , she says she is youngest member of the family so was very much cuddled and not been asked to work. She lied big once (I don’t know whether it was intentional or not). All these things happened in last four days.
    My family is somewhat surprised because of her behavior.
    From the beginning I was not impressed with her looks rather my expectation was that she should be well understanding, mature and should compliment to me. But since engagement I’m not feeling different or happy or excited . I had never dated a girl so don’t know what is the feeling.
    Please let me know how to proceed. Thanks in advance.

    • Dear Male Doctor with immature fiancee,

      If I have to trust you with all that you are saying is true, then I would suggest to call off the marriage.

      Looks don’t matter, but maturity does.
      The feeling of excitement can take second priority.
      Look for someone who can be good companion for you for life 🙂

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