Why Divorce happens and Solution to avoid Divorce

Dated 2015, the number of divorces in India have increased from early 2000. To cite an example, 11,667 cases of divorce were filed in Mumbai in 2014 up from 5245 cases in 2010.
More than 50% of divorce cases are young couples.
A word that even didn’t exist in our Indian dictionary is now happening with every other friend, relative or acquaintance we hear of!
(BTW this article is mainly addressed to couple settled in metros and cities and not villages)

Now lets take a very simple approach to understand this –

What are the possible reasons why Divorce has increased so much?
i) Women have become much stronger than earlier 
So is that good or bad? Of course..it is good for the women and even society. BUT when a women gets equally educated, well earning and independent…she expects her husband to treat her with dignity…and right fully so. This is where the husband misses out.
Many times, independent wives can’t take any shit from her husband and their egos are very high, just like her male partner. These ego clashes lead to high expectations and silly fights which eventually pile on and on.

ii) Lack of trust
One has to trust each other in an marriage. It of course is subjected to infidelity from anyone, but this is under the assumption that both are clean but one doesn’t trust the other partner in many aspects

iii) Missing the simple secret of successful married life – Communication
This is where most couples go wrong! They expect that the other partner will understand WITHOUT TELLING him/her but please get this straight. It is NEVER going to happen.

iv) Wrong choice of partners
Love is blind…deaf, dumb and brainless. One falls in love with a person, but totally ignores the practical aspects of life. Even when mature people around them warn them of the practical aspects, they are too stubborn and go ahead with their stupid choice of partner.
After the marriage, they realize that they have married an idiot and get reminded of all the things that their near and dear ones had already warned of. Thus unable to sustain the pressure of their stupid life partner, they eventually file for divorce.

v) Lesser time to understand life partners in arranged marriage
Now this is an unfortunate unlike all the other reasons, where only the couple is to be blamed. I really feel bad in this case, as in arranged marriage one actually is not allowed time to know his/her potential life partner.
So after few months or years of marriage, they realize that they married a very wrong person

vi) Marrying at a young age, that too love marriage
Now this are typical cases of college/school lovers, where both of them are of the same age. Due to society pressure and other reasons, they end up marrying in their early 20’s. There is nothing wrong in marrying early, but it is just that both are immature and can’t handle things with maturity.

vii) Lesser Tolerance
This is an extension of the first point, where both husband and wife lack patience. They are incapable of thinking and acting calmly over things

viii) Misconception that ONLY LOVE is enough for getting married
Here is the biggest blunder everyone makes. Love between a boy and girl is NOT the most important thing to get married. Many young couples love each but forget to consider the other important practical parameters needed to sustain in marriage.
Then after few months or couple of years of marriage, they just can’t tolerate each other although love is still there between them

ix) Boy changed after marriage
This is most famous statement given by the wife in various divorce cases. Well…they are actually telling the truth that the boy actually changed.
Typically boy tends to take the wife for granted after marriage and doesn’t treat her the way, he did before the marriage

Reasons like infidelity, extra marital affair, partner being gay, dowry, etc aren’t covered because all these reason are because of any 3rd party or unavoidable or cheating cases. This article for those young couples where the the divorce could have been easily avoided with some sensible approach from the boy and girl.

So how to AVOID Divorce and eradicate the fear of divorce forever?
i) Just remove that option totally from your life
Just remove the word of divorce from the dictionary of your married life. Thus it will never be seen as resort even in the worst conditions.
So the couple would be forced to think of all other options of solving the issue, except divorce

ii) Act early
Don’t wait for things to pile on. Don’t wait for the time that your better half will come to you and make the first move to resolve issues.
Please act early

iii) Try various modes of communication
Very few people on earth have the ability to verbally and aesthetically communicate things. Still talking face to face remains the safest way to communicate, as chances of misinterpretation are less.
Written form of communication is also good, but chances of misunderstanding is very high

iv) Form a Habit together
This is an awesome way for bonding between 2 people. People tend to come even closer because of it.

Having said all I would strongly advocate a divorce in  case of ‘extreme magnitude’ of domestic violence, physco husband/wife, dowry, etc. But please don’t overkill/ overhype/ overestimate the term ‘extreme magnitude’. Else for e.g. just only once the husband happens to hit the wife by chance, the wife can’t treat it as ‘extreme magnitude’ of violence and file for divorce 😉

Please get back me for any doubts by commenting below.

Cheers,
Deepesh Chandran