Simple Tips while choosing a guy/girl in arranged marriage

Posted: June 14, 2014 in Beautiful Life, Love

How much ever Bollywood/Hollywood  romantic movies inspire us, how much ever attempts we make to ‘patofy’ a girl, how many times we dream of having a love marriage…the fact remains that 80% of marriages in India still happen to be ‘ARRANGED MARRIAGE’

So having accepted this fact, how and what does one do while choosing the right boy/girl through arranged marriage?
Here is what we can do while choosing the right guy/girl in arranged!

Choosing the guy/girl for arranged marriage:

@Boys – When you meet the girl for the first time, please don’t  start with asking the sterotype Q’s like “what do you expect from your life partner”, “do you know cooking”, “what you expect from the marriage” etc etc. First make her feel comfortable with you, so start with topics which would interest her. Discuss about the latest good movie running these days. If she likes dancing,discuss about Madhuri Dixit and her grace. Girls love to discuss on such topics. Her stiff body language would ease up and she would start behaving her own self. You would be marrying this girl,so she needs be her own self when she is talking with you. As the conversation hits from there, you would surprisingly get the answers of your sterotype questions in the midst of your talk . If you don’t get it, when conversation extends, you can sneak in your sterotype Q’s
Being funny is not everyone’s cup of tea but cracking a joke here and there, lightens the situation a lot. Santa-Banta jokes are not necessary, even real life funny incidents can also do the needful.

MOST IMPORTANTLY..please be your own self! In arranged marriage, you both might not get many chances to meet, that she can know the ‘real you’ after every new meeting. If she has to like you, it has to be the real you. If you are shy,so be it! Some girls find shy really cute.

DONTS-

  1. Try avoiding bragging about yourself. You might be a Hritik Roshan, but no need to showcase it. It is a big turn-off for many girls. If she has to get impressed by you, she definitely will get, without your bragging.
  2. Hiding things. Honesty is highly needed in an arranged marriage. Some things can’t be told in the first meeting, but they have to told in the next meeting
  3. Wear clothes which you usually wear. No need to wear a formal clothes to prove that you are a good boy.
  4. Don’t judge the girl highly on looks. After 15 years, neither you nor she are going to look great. Always look for qualities by which she can be a great companion for the next 50 years of your married life. Of course she needs to carry herself well, is what you need to check

 

@Girls – Ideally when you meet for the first time the guy is supposed to break the ice, but not all boys may be outspoken. So there is no harm in you yourself doing the honors of breaking the ice.
Always remember that you both have positively come to meet each other, so both would be tensed, excited and  positively looking forward.
Indian boys are typically interested in cricket, video games , movies, food and Sunny Leone 😉 . Of course you need not discuss the last topic 😛 . Girls are mostly lesser interested in cricket and movies, so movies and food happens to be common topic very often! You never know how amazingly you can hit off, once you find a strong common point of interest.

Now I must admit that it tougher for a girl to actually analyze if the boy is faking or is he genuine or not. Your parents will only see if the boy is earning well and if he comes from a decent family. They always tend ignore other things. So the onus is only on you to find if the guy’s nature is good or not, is he genuine, is his nature compatible with my nature, etc. How on earth do you find it out?
Take your time here and don’t get flown away. Try thinking more from head than from heart. Consult sensible and mature people in your life about this prospect and his nature. Don’t take advice from dumm girls.

DONTS-

  1. Please don’t probe much into his job and profession. For sure, your parents will do that job for you. Although salary is a critical factor, don’t make him feel like he is sitting in a job interview.
  2. In an Indian arranged marriage, the highest criteria for a ideal groom is his salary. My suggestion- don’t give it so much high preference. He might be highly qualified, just that he hasn’t got his right break till now. So judge him overall for his professional growth
  3. Hell with the looks, only check if he carries himself well with the whatever looks God has given him.
  4. If you had already prepared a list of 10 points that you seek in your potential husband, and if the guy in front fulfills even 6/10 or 7/10  of the points….marry that guy. You can never get 9/10 or 10/10.

When the engagement happens-
“Time” is biggest problem in arranged marriage. You get to spend little time with this guy/girl and  as soon as things seem positive by then, parents get you both engaged. Well, we can’t do anything with it and have to live with this issue. But please try and keep a little long gap between engagement and marriage i.e. courtship period.
It is the most beautiful period of your life, when things are clicking with you both. You would love it. That is one good reason, why you need a little long courtship period.
If things aren’t clicking well within you both, then take your time. Please analyze each other’s priorities.
Most importantly, if things go really very bad between you and everything is going out of hand, then its OK, you can OPT OUT from the marriage. Its better to have broken engagement, than marrying the wrong person

So summarizing the entire blog, please go ahead and successfully get into this sacred and great institution called Arranged Marriage. Feel free to ask me any doubts by commenting on my blog. Just in case, I don’t happen to reply to your queries on this blog, you can approach me on this contact details below.

I do professional paid consultation for arranged marriages, so for any doubts in arranged marriage – please contact me at deepesh.chandran29@gmail.com or 91-9970838025 and have my setup in Pune

Cheers,
Deepesh Chandran

 

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Comments
  1. Lalitha says:

    Hi,

    I am Lalitha. My parents have shown me a guy for marriage. We have met only once outside and all other meetings happened in their home or mine(its been 5 meets till now). The guy seems like a gentleman but is a very silent guy. He speaks very less and everything I need to be probing him for everything. Like he doesn’t message me I only have to take the initiative and he doesn’t do anything to hold his part of the conversation. We haven’t even spoken on the call. Because of this nature I am not able to gauge his personality. I am very outspoken and bold. I am not sure whatever I know of him matches me.

    However our parents have decided to take things further and planning for an engagement. I am not sure on my part. Whenever I ask him for anything he decides I need a clarification or I have a doubt.

    How can i get him to open up and speak freely? What should be my next move? Please help.

    • Hi Lalitha,

      It is Ok, when one is talkative and other is shy. What matters is how mature and understanding the guy is!

      I suggest you have a very blunt talk with him – tell him what is bothering you. If he is mature, he will surely understand.
      Your next move should be as simple as that.

      Tell him softly that something is bothering you very much and is it Ok, if you can share it with him…and so on.
      It is better to clarify things in the start, rather than repenting it for life long.

      advice helps?

  2. Neha (Priya) says:

    Hi Deepesh sir,

    I am Neha G Hiremath born and brought up from Bangalore, and a native of north Karnataka called Hubli. I am a south Indian girl. I am working for an IT firm from past 4 and half years, i am a partially hearing impaired girl,(SENSORINEURAL HEARING LOSS – It means that the ear nerves are weakened). Hence i wear an hearing aid on my both the ears (Left and Right) for which it supports my hearing ability in better way.

    Well coming to my concern, i have read all your above messages and replies that you have given to others, i was very much convinced on what ever you discussed and have no such doubts as i believe that marriage happens when time approaches, and its Gods wish and his way of life to treat us. i believe in GOD very much and i personally believe that “LIFE IS GOD’S OWN GIFT”

    But my concern is due to my disability (hearing impairment) i am unable to make a guy accept my proposal. i feel i am not destined to marry a normal guy? sometimes i feel i should marry a guy who has similar kind hearing problem like me. my parents have being in search of a guy for me since 5 to 6 years but were unsuccessful. i am now 30 years old, (3-3-86 with 9.22 am as the time of birth and place is Bangalore) i have a few friends in my office who are completely deaf and dumb and there respective spouses are too deaf and dumb. and are married through love marriage and have normal kids. I am blessed to have such a friends. but my fate is opposite. cannot understand how to set it. i cannot force any guy to marry me or force a guys family to make the guy accept me as it want be good as my brother was forced to marry a girl he didn’t like and ended up getting divorced.

    I am not having this hearing problem from birth but it was due to accident by a doctor having given me a wrong medicine without proper diagnosis. i was having typhoid fever but he gave me a medicines for malarial fever without doing any blood test or any proper test that are usually required to be done. i realized i had typhoid when i was in my native and there i was treated for my typhoid correctly. I am not thinking of my hearing problem as a problem but an accident that occurred. i am bold and confident girl and have the ability to face any amount of problems and over come it. i am fearless.

    None of the guy is ready to accept my hearing problem, even if any guy would accept he would not match our criteria like height as i am quite tall around 5.8 inc and a guy who would agree to marry me would be around 5.5 or lesser or sometimes younger than me also. See there are certain compromisation which needs to be done, but how can i compromise on a shorter height. i don’t understand that. If at all i have to compromise then how can i do that and please give me any tips or a piece of advise on how to overcome it even if someone says something or gossips around.

    We believe in horoscope and do match kundali’s before deciding, and i may be a manglick and i am not sure of it as I have done many puja’s said many mantras and did fasting. Recently i finished 16 Mondays fasting what you say in your hindi as Solah somvar vrat khata, but nothing helped me. I am not able to find a guy who is partially hearing impaired like me but i find complete deaf and dumb. which is not suitable for me as i can talk and hear normally with an hearing aid i have no speech problems. but none of the normal guys are ready compromise on this.

    Please advise me or guide me. i know there cannot be any genuine advise but at least a reply would be more appreciated.

    Thank you!

    Best Regards from,
    Neha G Hiremath
    Bangalore
    Karnataka

    • Dear Neha(priya),

      It is actually unfortunate of the turmoil that you are undergoing. I am although happy of the fact that you seem strong and take all things in your stride.

      Few practical tips –
      1. Please ignore the horoscope and manglik thing. There are already too many criteria in your case and you are just adding another one into it. It is almost impossible to find a guy in your caste and with proper star matching
      2. Also pooja and all is good, but I personally don’t believe in it. Instead request you and your family to broaden your mind and look for guys from other castes as well.
      3. I am sure you will find more options. Mind and nature compatibility is important; not star matching!

      Advice helps?

      P.S. – Your disability is not a serious problem at all 🙂

      • Neha says:

        Thank you very much for your reply sir…

        As you said me to ignore horoscope and manglik thing, i feel it could be very difficult for me to do as my parents would never go against the horoscope and a few days ago she said i am manglik as per horoscope and have high mangal dosha so i should not marry a non manglik guy even if the horoscope matches but manglik is different. i am really fed up with my parents way of believing the horoscope and the way they decide and would never heed to my concerns nor listens to them atleast.

        Recently during Ganesha chaturti i met 2 guys at my native place, among those 2, one guy was completely deaf and dumb and communicates through sign language. he looks and appears as a normal guy and does not look abnormal. he was very friendly and i liked him and they boys family also gave the consent. But my parents straight away rejected him thinking he cannot talk and i have to write and talk whole my life, and after marriage with him i may not give birth to normal kid but may be an hearing impaired like the boy. i dont need to write whole life for him instead i can learn sign language and communicate with him, i can adjust with him as i found him very friendly. i really love such ppl.
        They are thinking so immaturely. which ever i guy i like chosen 4m them they would not let me marry the guy, if they dont like the guy. And whomever i dont like they would force me to agree, if not they would blackmail me..saying we want support you after marriage if anything happens dont come to us.. how can i bear to hear such things from my own parents. i am not liking guy myself or choosing myself i am liking the guy they have brought for me.. . i am actually disturbed and disappointed with my parents way of thinking.. i feel sad sometimes. i have no idea what to do. i am stuck with only option that i should blindly marry the guy they choose, but still there are flaws in it, as its not just they like the guy but, if me and my parents like a guy, the guys character would not be a good! If i like any boy than the boys horoscope should be match with mine and he should be a normal guy not any disabled guy. Even if he is hearing impaired then the boy should be able to talk and hear like me wearing hearing aids.

        I cannot find such guys, first of all i dont find any normal guys liking me as they would just use me for some purpose or the other like money.. i am not saying that normal guys are bad but based on my experience i have met such guys.

        Hence I am extremely sorry deepesh sir, i cannot ignore nor convince my parents regarding this horoscope nor manglik influence. They would not listen to me..

        I am thankful to your message but i really dont have any option but to just do as my parents says. thats the only option left.

        After this sms what ever feed back you give me i shall adhere it.

        Thank you!

        With Best Regards,
        Neha G Hiremath

      • Hi Neha,

        I am unable to understand your parents. I can only hope that they behave practically very soon.

        Just to let you know – there are still many good boys around you. Arranged marriage is not the only way to get married – when we have good friends around you, then they can also become good life partners, as they know everything about you.
        But then, they must ‘good boys’!

    • garry para says:

      Your sent the mail address

  3. ramya says:

    hi deepesh sir,
    sir my parents shown me a guy.he is ok for me in all qualites but his look is too bad.very fat.but the character is very good sir,his family matches me very much.i don’t know to say yes or no.i m still small to think about this things i don’t get any clear idea sir please help me.

    • Hi Ramya,

      If you are small and can’t take the decision of your own – then you have no option but trust the decision of your parents.

      ELSE
      If you feel you just can’t stand this guy, then immediately raise this voice against it.
      All you need to think is that – can you live your entire life with this guy!

    • Saira says:

      I got engaged to a boy with a very nice behaviour and character as well.. He was a genuine person very honest to be trusted and good to be married.. But except that his family was bit too rude sometimes..they were just too protective for their boy that they blamed me somtimes for few things..which was not liked by my family and once things got so far that my familu had call off the wedding..his mother is very rude and speaks very bad language sometimes..
      Now he is apologising for his mother and family and his family too apologised..although it was no whre this guy’s mistake..but my family is not able to trust them again after so many issues.. I’m confused whether to keep with the same guy or just leave after so much conflict..as he is really nice and loving just a desirable partner every girl wants..but somewhere in his mind also he has this thing that my family insulted them by calling off the wedding..which makes my parents fear about the futute issues that they will definitely repeat it .. Which will create differences among us..thought guy promises to be very loving always but he too seems to be changed ..they just want to fix up the marriage again and do promise such a behaviour wont be again repeated but somewhere their attitude is really changed…i’m just confused about the boy as he is very decent and nice very loving carinh and honest person but tooo much influenced by his family… What to do.?? Shall i trust them again or i should listen to my family?

      • Hi Saira,

        I give the same advice – Marry this guy only if he is ready to stay separately with you i.e. only the 2 of you in a separate house.
        If you are supposed to stay with his parents…DONT MARRY THIS GUY. Period.

    • Mathy says:

      Hi ramya… What does he said to u.. as a same problem to me… Pls help me.. Pls tell me

  4. prasad salaskar says:

    Hi Deepesh,
    I have question about the number of meetings one should have before saying yes or no to girl .people keep telling me 2 meets and you have to decide which is quiet difficult for me as we cant decide in just 2 meets weather this girl is suitable for me or not. Also i see that some girls do not talk much on phone or chat .hence it really becomes difficult to know if the girl matches my waivelength or not. Even if she is matching in other aspects, how should I solve these problems .Personally I feel there has to be a communication offline as well and should have atleast 4-5 meets to decide .
    Please let me know if i am expecting too much or is there any way to get through this ?
    Thanks ,
    Prasad

  5. sowmya says:

    Hiii, Im sowmya im from banglore and im getting married next february. its an arrange marriage we met in home 3 tyms, but we dint spoked in tat tym but he called n started talking with me after our marriage fixed. im v.talketive n courage girl n being loved by all d family memebers becoz of my naughtyness n care towards them. He use to cal me everyday n use to talk to me almost 1 hr a day bt im not feeling comfortable in tat matter bt im adjusting becoz he gonna be my life partner in rest of my life bt just in 3 weeks he stopped talking with me two tyms becoz i dint picked his call. HE also told me tat ill give all my tym to my friends and family not fr him . tats true i love my family and friends alot ill talk to them alot but not on call…. i dont knw wats running in his mind bt im totally broken from 2 days. wether i took ryt decition or not fr gettiong marry with him. even i told my parents that he is too possesive and he may feeling inferiority towards me… (he is too shy guy n wont speak more with others) he aften use to tel me tat im more friendly with all and im banglore girl so i wont care him.(his native is shimoga but staying in banglore from 6 yrs but he never changed his style or anything which suits like banglorian) so please give me some suggession, wat shall i do next?

    before marriage only he stopped talking with me twice n dint called until my mummy called and asks him. so im feeling scred wat would he do after marriage?? shall i cancel my marriage?? or not?? or shall i do adjust with him and teach him hw tro behave?? if i tell anything he may feel bad on me…. toataly im confused…. please give me ans

    • Hi Soumya,

      You need to act immediately.
      First talk with him today itself…about your problem. If he is understands it and promises to act on it, then good for you.

      IF he gets angry and creates a scene, please cancel the marriage the immediately.

  6. Anil Raju T says:

    Dear Deepesh sir,

    I am Anil Raju and i am so glad that i found this page. I have a little problem. First of we are middle class family,My parents raised us with moralities. I am the elder son in my family. Yet compared to my siblings i am poorer in education. At age of 14 i stared to look at attractive girls and had crush on them eventually. it followed me till age of 25 although i m not socially active.i used to do this regularly but when i found out that they had others(boys) in their life i just get away from them,,by reading this u may laugh. really i had crush on a handful of girl but then i got one girl who responed to my monkey tactics. and we loved(dated) for over a year. But thats not all i told my parents about it like they will accept it,but they didnt I even invited her to my house to talk with my parents and after that they told me she is not good depending on her family backgroud. But i contined to do so. After some time we got seperated.. As she caught me chating with other girl, i told her that its a friendly chat and nothing more and…..she dumped me. That was the last time i ever seen her,At that time i was doing a fine private job with a good salary and all. As time goes by my parents started to look for matches for me. They got some with a prenty of background u know… wealthy families, i dont like any of them. Now i am going into a govt sector job. But then my parents shown me a match that i wouid die to get her. She is very beautiful and the luckiest thing is her parents like me too. But the problem is this how do i get to know that she will like me apart from her parents? Should i tell her my education background and all the matter about the girls when i was a kid? and one more thing i really not concerned about weather she is having a boyfriend or not. So please help me how to win this girl? …..See? i dont even know how to talk thats why i dont have many friends..Please help me sir… i need your HELP

    • Hi Anil Raj,

      As i understand you need to impress this girl for the arranged marriage.

      See…even if you impress her after giving her flowers, chocolates, etc ….it won’t be the actual you. After the marriage, she will expect the same person who used to give flowers, choc, etc and she will blame that you have changed.

      So i suggest to be your own self and impress her with whatever person you are.
      Still if you want to impress her – get to know about her wishes in life and how you can fulfill it, ask about her hobbies and how you can encourage her to continue her hobbies, etc – basically tell your plan to make her a better person

      • Anil Raju says:

        Dear Deepesh sir,
        Thank you very much for your advice. I really appreciate it. I need a little help. Should i mention her about my past life? about previous relationships,You know i told you about my education background, Nowadays only i get the knowledge of what i am studying and all. I was a Dunce in my whole school life. After i got out of my degree college i am a better man. Should i mention it to her? As i am about to go in to this new job i wanted to marry her u know after one year or so,so that i get the feeling of i am capable of running a family. I forgot to mention her she is 5 years younger than me. Please help me sir, Looking forward to meet you in person

      • Hi Anil Raj,

        Tell her about your past life only after the 2nd or 3rd meeting, but definitely tell.

        Its OK to her about your personality. Every man cannot act like Shahrukh khan or James Bond. All it matters is how you really love her and can do anything to take good care of her.
        Every girl on earth only wants to make her choice or help her to make her own choice AND someone who loves her the most in the world.

        Giving financial confidence is very good, but don’t delay the marriage too much because of it as well.

        I am based out of Pune my friend 🙂 You can meet me whenever u happen to come to Pune

      • Anil Raju says:

        Thank you very much sir,,, i will meet you. Thanks for your help.

  7. Mathy says:

    sir my parents shown me a guy.he is ok for me in all qualites but his look is too bad.very fat.but the character is very good sir,his family matches me very much.i don’t know to say yes or no.i m still small to think about this things i don’t get any clear idea sir please help me.but I am not clear to decision sir pls help me

    • Hi Mathy,

      As of what you have told me, this prospect looks good.
      I think you should go ahead with this prospect.

      If your parents have approved him and you like him, then what is the issue!

  8. Mohinder Singh says:

    Hi Deepesh, loved your article and your answers on comments, but one thing which I noticed in your article and some comments is is actually bugging me… As you mentioned guy should not ask if she know how to cook but girl should ask his salary… now I am not saying girl must know how to cook but my concern is that in this era where we think all are equal why we do not think that as a member of family we have to take a role to run it properly and if both parteners are going to marry then why it is not important to ask the girl that what she will be doing to run that family(as thats the reason girls ask the guy his salary because thats important to run a family).. For example if girl thinks that they both should do job that means both will be doing some home work as well like cooking and cleaning.. if girl think only she will be doing job then guy should be taking responsilities of work at home and vica-versa.. are these things not equally important for both???

  9. Anamika ( name changed) says:

    Dear Deepesh Sir,

    I have been actually loving my father’s colleague’s son for about 3 years but no one knows about this, even the guy himself. His family and my family are really really close. One day out of a sudden my father informed me that he wants me to marry that guy and i was overjoyed. My father then spoke to his father about this and his father agreed to the marriage. Everyone in his family is fond of me and everyone in my family is fond of him. However, the guy does not know anything about the marriage. I don’t think the guy will want to marry me since he treats me no more than a normal friend. Moreover, he has many female friends. What should I do about it ?

    • Dear Anamika ( name changed),

      you are the luckiest girl on earth…that such a beautiful coincidence has happened to you.

      his parents will do the job of telling him first; you need not do that.
      If he agrees to his parents, then perfect.

      If he says no, then you can opt for all ways to ‘patofy’ him. It is very easy to make a guy fall in love with you 🙂

  10. Kuku says:

    Hi Deepesh
    I’ll be meeting a girl in few days…its an arranged meeting by my parents. I am a private school physics teacher and the girl just got a job in police. She’s lesser educated but really beautiful… I am more educated but don’t have good looks. I am really nervous if she would accept me as her partner but I am totally interested un this alliance. What should I do to convince her and her family (I think they won’t have any issue)… Please help.

    • Hi Kuku,

      Sorry for the late reply.

      If you are educated enough and earn well, then the girl’s parents will totally accept you.
      Step 1 – you need to impress her parents, which you said is not a problem. This will 60% assure your chances.
      Step 2 – please dont marry the girl only for looks. If her nature is also good, then only marry her. Talk to her, know more about her, see how you can fulfill her dreams, show her the love, etc

  11. samarth jain says:

    Hi Sir
    Nice to read the blog. I recently met the girl. She is very nice and comes from a good family. We met only once and it was really good. Now I have to reply to our parents.
    I know it a silly thing but the height of the girls is less. Any comments on this or how to coem over this.
    Please reply.
    Regards
    Sam

  12. Sneha says:

    Hi Deepash Sir-

    I am Sneha living in Delhi and basically from UP. I am tall and good looking and i am working in an IT company having a good position there. I am smart and intelligent girl and earning really well. I am a 30 year old single. I have never been in a relationship with any guy though I have fallen in love with someone but that was one sided. I am having really high values of my own and feels myself a one man woman. I always kept myself away to fall for someone to whom I can’t marry. I waited so long that someday I would fall in love someone and then marry that person. But unfortunately it never happened. I always fallen in love with wrong person to whom I can’t marry. From last 5 years me and my parents have been looking for guys through matrimonial sites. I personally met almost 50-60 guys and talked over phone almost 70-80 guys. These were filtered by my parents based on my criteria. For some reasons I never gone further with those guys. And I reasons were almost genuine. Majority of the guys I have rejected. Only 5-6 guys have rejected me due to may be caste issues by their parents. I never looked for NRI guys as I can’t trust NRI’s due to so many bad cases around. One day I told my parents to try to look NRI now cause now I am not able to find anyone suitable here. I talked one guy from abroad. I have been taking to him from last 3 months. He came to India 1 month ago. I took off from my office and met him one time with family and other 3-4 times alone. He seems very intelligent decent and genuine guy with average looks. He said yes for marriage. I took more than 1 week after his yes and I also said yes for marriage. Now I’m feeling anxiety for many reasons We don’t talk much due to our jobs and time difference. Though I always try to talk. I feel disinterest from him in me. We never talked dirty or sexual things. We even never talked anything which creates intimacy between us. I always wanted my partner should be mentally emotionally and physically connected with me. Of course in arrange marriage physical connection is not possible more over when it is at distance. But at least there should be some kind of connection between us. I m not sure whether same happens for all people who opt for arrange marriage or it just me. Because I feel that Is this the guy for whom I have rejected so many guys? Is this the guy I waited so long and still I don’t find any connection? I am freaking out I feel sometime I should say no to him. But that is also truth that me and parents are tired of looking guys and this guy seems genuine. But I don’t feel anything with him till now no connection. Please help what to do.

    • Hi Sneha,
      You are a good looking and independent girl and being 30 is not a big issue, if at all you feel so.

      2 things –
      1. I am 100% sure that many good boys had come your life (through college/ office/ common friends), but you never entertained them. You had your criteria hence you missed out on many good boys. But its all bygone now.
      Also you rejected arranged marriage boys, only because YOU had very high criteria. Here again, I am 100% sure you have rejected many genuine guys

      Regarding your current marriage prospect – Its OK if you don’t feel the connect. Some guys are shy. All it matters if he is a genuine guy who will care for you and stand for you…all throughout your life.
      If the connect thing still bothers you, its OK as well. You can call off your marriage

      2. If you are calling off your marriage, here are my suggestions –
      please open up as I am sure if you are a good looking, independent girl there would still be many genuine boys around you. It is just that you are not giving them a chance.
      Also let go off this caste non-sense. You are reducing your chances by choosing boys within your caste only.

      Advice helping?

      • Sneha says:

        Hi Deepesh Sir-

        It’s been 1 week I have written to you. Ofcourse there is no caste issue at all. Now I feel that the guy tries to be friendly sometimes but yes he never opens up to have intimate talks even though I tried by giving some hints that I want to talk. Our engagement date is now decided but still I don’t feel that connect. Everybody around me says that in arrange marriage it happens gradually. You guys need time. I should not expect everything at once.

        One more thing which I guess his hairs turns me off as he is suffering with hair loss. I want to tell him that he should go for hair weaving therapy so that he looks good on engagement. But I feel that he would mind this. I am not sure what to do. I feel anxious sometimes that is this the guy for whom I waited so long? Everybody is happy around me for my marriage but somewhere I don’t feel internal happiness. And as you suggested ofcourse there are guys around me but I guess none of them I like.

      • Hi Sneha,
        All u need to know and ask is…will this guy take care of you and take your stand for you for your entire life?
        You have that answer?

        His hair is not a big deal. He can’t match ur good looks. You are wrong in expecting that.
        But u can surely speak with him about it.

        I again repeat..mainly check his nature.
        Even u will look old and ugly when u turn 45 years old

        Lastly please speak all your concerns with him..if you have become good friends now

  13. sri says:

    Hi Deepesh.

    I hope you are doing well and need your advice/guidance in my situation.

    Long story short, I’m male 28 work for one of the reputed banks in Canada and the girl 25 she works for a pharma company in USA, we both are from Hyderabad and met through matrimony site and i have been touch with her from 1 month i would say. I even met her parents in December when i went to INDIA with my Dad, it went very well and i am flying to states on Feb 17th to meet the girl.

    Now that I met their parents and they gave nod to meet her daughter i am very excited to meet her. I really liked the way she portrayed herself be it her way of dressing, looks , behavior on the phone to name a few.

    All in all, I need your advice on this 3 questions please.

    1) I keep on calling her 3 times per week and trying to spend some quality time on the phone .Is it acceptable and if yes what are the topics to be discussed and ways to impress her before I meet her.

    2) what are the do’s/dont’s to follow when i meet her in person and ways to impress her and make her my future wife?

    3) Now that their parents agreed and asked me to meet their daughter can i safely conclude 60% of the match is set or any twist in the tale when i meet her.

    Please advise and comment on what needs to be done from my end.
    P.S ( I don’t want to miss her at any cost).

    Expecting a positive response.

    Happy Monday,
    XXXXXXX.

    • Hi Sri,
      Sorry for the late reply.

      Here are your answers –
      1) I keep on calling her 3 times per week and trying to spend some quality time on the phone .Is it acceptable and if yes what are the topics to be discussed and ways to impress her before I meet her.
      answer – Try and find what are her interests – e.g. – check the community pages she has liked on FB
      Speak about those topics for starters!

      2) what are the do’s/dont’s to follow when i meet her in person and ways to impress her and make her my future wife?
      Answer – Like already mentioned in my blog – please dont fake yourself. As a general advice, be a gentleman. All girls like guys with good sense of humor.
      Get just flowers for her when you meet her ( not a huge bouquet )

      3) Now that their parents agreed and asked me to meet their daughter can i safely conclude 60% of the match is set or any twist in the tale when i meet her.
      Answer – You are right here 🙂

      All the best and let me know how things happened? 🙂

      • sri says:

        Thats great Deepesh!

        I will keep you posted on this.

        Have a good weekend.

        Thanks again,
        Sri

      • sri says:

        Deepesh,

        I hope you are doing well.

        I never expected that i will post such a message on valentines day,

        My story had a twist in a tale. Last weekend i received a call from the bride saying that she selected an other guy and he is coming to see her this weekend.

        She just called me to say that she is not interested in me anymore and said me to cancel my plans to visit her. I professionally wished her all the best and said good bye in the call. I said please don’t waste people’s time and she rejected me almost at the last moment if you recall my story on the previous email. She also unfriended me in her Facebook friend list as well.

        My parents are badly disappointed along with me and now i think matrimony doesn’t work in my case and i said my parents to search in my relatives, friends list and community as well.

        Now that she rejected me i lost interest on human values mainly values like honesty, truth and humanity. She rejected me at the last moment. Is being honest and true with her costed me?
        I did met her parents personally when i was on holidays at India.

        All in all, she behaved cunningly and she opted might be for a better match and dumped me at last moment. She might be independent woman but she shouldn’t be playing with a guys life. Am i right?

        Please guide me about the things now i have to do before selecting a bride in near future.
        Should i try matrimony or the ones which my parents select in the friends circle etc.

        To be honest lot of questions in my mind, I appreciate if you can respond ASAP.

        Expecting a positive response.

        Thanks
        Sri

      • Hi Sri,

        It is unfortunate what happened with you BUT trust me I have seen much more worse things happen to people in arranged marriage.

        The girl did a very wrong thing with you and karma will take care of her.
        Quickly move on with life. You can’t waste much time sulking. Please continue to be as you are – don’t change. Continue looking for prospects within friends and relative circle.
        Arranged marriage needs lot of patience and faith…so continue with both.

      • sri says:

        Hi Sri,

        Thanks for responding to my previous email.

        Yes you are absolutely right, karma will take care of her and arranged marriage needs lot of patience and faith as well.

        But only thing in my mind I need to clarify which is not making me to concentrate is what might be the reason she rejected me. Did she get a better match and dealt with both guys simultaneously or her parents didn’t like me and forced her to call me and cancel my plans or did she have a boy friend ? I appreciate if you can respond to this.

        I will not change myself and started for a fresh bride both in family circle as well as matrimony.

        Thx
        Shashi

  14. nidhi says:

    hi deepesh ,

    recently i meet one guy from my cast only , he is elder than me 5 years . i asked him about his past relationship so he said that girl affair and all so he breakup with that girl. but we dont know exactly reason. as my parents inquiry about him & his family so every saying its good and all. but personally i feel he is lieing something because whenever ask him something he think so much then reply and if i say something then he change his answer. as per my parents i m doing 2 nd meeting with him but m not that confident with him . and as per their parents this was final meeting and they r ready to do engagement . and in past i have experience person like this as they said its all depend on future situation they might be not allowed to work or any restriction . i m just concern because i m the only daughter to my parents so i want to be with them also. so can u please suggest me somthing to tell my parents to say no for this guy. as my parents r like he is educated & settled so whts your problem y u saying no . so if possible pls guide me .

    Thanking you

    • Hi Nidhi,

      Had you told a bit about your occupation and age, it would have helped my answer.
      Assuming that you have a decent job and are aged between 23 to 28 years old – here is my suggestions :
      If you are not confident about this guy and have just 2 meetings to decide , then you should call off this marriage. Else other option is to ask for more time and meetings, which I am doubtful both parents might give.

      Your parents might get angry but you need to tell that you are not comfortable with this guy and can’t live your entire life with him.

  15. Anil Raju says:

    Dear Deepesh sir,

    We are three in our family, I am the elder one.I have a younger brother and younger sister. Currently my parents has got a match for me. I Like her and she as well as her family likes me. Now is that my friends saying that its not appropriate that i should marry after my sisters marriage. Now i feel guilty, but i like her too much. She is an orphan raised by a wealthy family. I like her not by her wealth and all but her heart. I find it that we share common interests and all thats why i dont want to lose her. Please help me is it wrong for me to marry before my sisters marriage? i am 26 years old, My brother and sister and me are one year apart. My sister is the youngest and wise, she said its ok but i feel so much guilty. please help me

  16. Divya Patil says:

    Hi Deepesh,

    Recently i had meeting with a girl that my parents introduced me (she is the daughter of my dad’s friend)

    I liked the nature of that girl very much, infact she is exactly what I imagined my better half to be, and she also thought the same way about me.

    I belong to a joint family having a common but very much established and stable business for the past 25 years that girl very well knows of.

    Though i contribute my efforts in the family business but I have don’t have that much interest in it, so i started pursuing my Software Career in 2015. I completed my engineering in Computer Science in 2013

    My current salary is 36 K and this is the only reason that girl rejected me.

    I am trying to understand her decision but I can’t.
    Because….
    1. If she is afraid of financial security then at any point of time i can continue my family business which is having turnoverin Crores.

    And

    2. if talking about my salary – though it is currently low ( coz I started late ) it will surely go up as the time passes.

    What do u think about her decision to reject me on the basis of my low salary?

    • Hi Divya,

      You need to thank God for what happened with you. You don’t need a girl who is only interested in your financial stability.
      Thank your stars and look for better girls!

  17. Varun says:

    Hi Deepesh,
    My name is Varun & I am 26 years old. I have been seeing a girl through arranged marriage concept & she is 10 months elder to me & also in height she is around 3-4 cm taller then me. She looks pretty good & intelligent as well in terms of her job, carrying herself, talking wise as well, & quite smart & I am someone who earns quite good, but looks are just average.

    I met her around 6 times & still unsure of accepting her, because I don’t know our relationship would long last + a healthy love life. I don’t know why I feel that she is marrying me just because of my financial stability (which I think most of the girls look) & my city where I live.

    How this factor can affect –
    1) Age factor
    2) Height factor (society criticism)
    3) Me being rich

    Also there have been more proposal & I think most of the girls do look for financial stability (but shud I go with girl with an avg. look or it’s good to marry an intelligent girl (with good looks)

    • Hi Varun,

      The answer is simple. You marry the girl whom you really like.
      Don’t bother about age or height as far as you are happy with the girl.

      She is not totally wrong in marrying you for your financial stability BUT what matters is that – does she really love you and will she always be there for you!

      • Varun says:

        Thanks Deepesh for the reply.

        In our 6 meets so far, I have asked her thrice why do you want to marry me ? Once she said from the family perspective, second she said the city where I live she have the job security & want to work after marriage & also mentioned I am good to go guy kinda person(fits in talking). Apart from that she said she is fond of shopping & wants to travel the world.
        Love in the arranged marriage is difficult to say. I feel its like a gamble or blind game at some level. You can’t really judge why exactly she want to marry you & will she be there in my support all my life.

        How do I know if she really loves me ?(If you can mention some trick Q’s to ask her, it will be good) She is better then me in terms of maturity, looks, personality, very sophisticated techy girl. I am just an average looking guy self-made rich, who just try to be funny & wants fun all my life with my better-half.

      • Hi Varun,

        If you are really concerned about your loyalty towards you….try talking about pre-nuptial terms. See her reaction! This is an extreme step…but in this current time where divorce and alimony keeps you a pauper…so one needs to keep that option open..although as a last option.

        The reason why you constantly me asking if this girl is marrying you for your money or not….means that you felt somewhere very strongly that she is marrying you for money!!
        Else you wouldn’t have asked me.
        If you are so skeptical and worried, I suggest to look for another girl

        Best is that tell her that you investing 80% of your money in your new business and would not be dependent on your family money anymore!
        See her reaction.

  18. Akshata says:

    Hi Deepesh sir,

    I am 24 years old girl. I am working in one of the IT company in Pune. I recently got a proposal.
    I researched about him on fb, other than average (sort of OK looking guy), as per I heard from my parents about his status, family etc are fine.. May be next month that is April 2017 I am about to meet him as the guy is in China rite now.
    To my parents always consider not less that a Beta(“proud of me”) and respect my decision always. I am a middle class family girl so I never like my parents to spend money unnecessary on me (I mean to say dowry in form of gifts, electronic etc)….”I think you got this”.

    So I made up my mind that I will talk about dowry strictly to both the family of the guy as well as guy. But some of my frenz are opposing me that I should’nt talk about these “big matters” to that boy’s parents as people will think that the girl is insensitive etc….but am not at all convinced by that. I really hate these dowry etc and why all the times girls parents should take all the responsibility of the marriage functions.. I am really against it.

    I am afraid about my innocent parents,,they think if the guy is good in all forms, by hook or crook they will arrange the gifts(so called dowry) and spend too much of money (atleast by getting loan etc).. I have a brother who is still studying, I just cannot go happily married by leaving so much of financial responsibility on my parents.

    Please suggest me Shall I talk to about this to the boy’s parents and the boy. If I should really talk then please suggest me how should I approach them, please suggest me the ways of approach.

    Thanks,
    Akshata

    • Dear Akshata,

      You are doing the right thing here.
      Please go ahead and tell the boy first that you won’t be giving any kind of cash/or kind/dowry! Then tell him to communicate to his parents. If needed, you can communicate to his parents as well.
      If the boy is mature and righteous, he will definitely support you. Then you have found the right guy!
      If the boy/ boys side are hinting on dowry, you can let go off this prospect.

      I am sure you will find another righteous boy and family!

  19. simi says:

    Sir,
    My parents have choosen a boy to get me married,i am not against it but i want to continue my preparation for civil service exam as i am doing it now,i have not yet met him so don’t know whether he would be fine with me preparing for exam
    I don’t know what to do,plz help

    • Dear Simi,

      Its simple. Tell clearly your parents that you can look into boys only after your exams, as you are not in a mental state.
      If your parents still force you…meet the boy..and tell him the truth – currently you are not in state of mind. You would be wasting the boy’s time at that instance but its good for both parties in long run

  20. Kajal gediya says:

    Sir ….all things u said was important….bt if u don’t have that feelings that. Yes u can spend yr whole life with this guy…..what can we do about this things…
    I first meeting I havent any feelings…I thought its normal in arrange mrg …it will be alright bt after 2nd Nd 3rc meeting also…..I don’t have any such feeling….. everyone is saying that he is a nice guy nd has nice family …..what to do with this things….can’t bear this pressure…plz help

    • Hi Kajal,

      Like I always say…only check if this guy can be your best friend for life?
      If answer is yes…marry him. Else reject him.

      Don’t think too much on the feeling part!

  21. Neel says:

    Guess these things doesnt work !

  22. rose says:

    Hi Deepesh ,
    I just met a guy four weeks back. He is from Gujarat and I’m in Bangalore. This was the first guy that I met this year… and we both liked each other. The funny part is I didn’t find any major default with his looks but my family did. And moreover they are skeptical about the distance of both parties. We are basically from Kerala and my parents wanted the guy to be nearby. Well they talked about this and the groom’s family themselves didn’t have any problem. They are planning to shift slowly. .that’s what they said .. Even the boy himself didn’t have any trouble. He is open to change….but my doubt is when?…he just shifted his job eight months back which is based in Ahmadabad…and the time that I have spoken to him he seems to be liking his job very much…I know it’s cruel to ask a man who loves his job to shift soon…The same is with my case …I just started working in a company in Bangalore and I’m waiting to shift it once I have completed my one year…Before meeting the guy I had thought I would try in Bangalore itself coz its nearby home and has more opportunities… had asked my family to say that I would complete my one year (has five more months ) and then get married his family had no problem …they were like they know the value of experience….
    But now.. I’m confused….for sure I’ll have to shift there and try for a new one…but losing one that I’m doing and then trying for a new one is utter foolishness…I don’t know how open he is to long distance marriage…even my mom keeps saying please don’t decide in haste to leave your job …take leave for marriage and slowly leave it after getting another one…I don’t know if that is possible…

    Keeping aside the job conflict…we text each other but I just can’t seem to open up…we have called and I have no idea what to talk…I’m just confused if I put the above reason how he might react…in general he seems to be nice guy…But still I don’t know how to decode…we just met once and then chats and calls…
    I already had a very bad experience in the past. My marriage was almost fixed every arrangement was done. Even talked to the guy like day and night. I had to spent on calls…even when the talk was uncomfortable I had tried to manage….but the end we found out that he lied about his education…and from then on I just can’t seem to trust my own feelings…I guess this is actually working against this present alliance…even though he might not realize it….i know I don’t want to be too involved and be hurt like the previous time…I just wanted to know how can I know if what he said to me and my family is genuine…? I have seen my friends who got their marriage fixed talk very personally and chat messages which seemed too intimate…somehow it makes me uncomfortable and irritated I went through it once thinking it was normal and I found the guy was wrong….this time I have no idea if this guy sending me a love emoticon is normal or is he jumping steps…coz I for sure know that I am not in LOVE.. I like him and expect to slowly progress the relationship. I suppose if he asks for a love proclamation then I would naturally freak out…and would have no idea whether my saying I need more time is okay or not okay…
    How do you actually progress in a relationship? What would be the right behavior ? if the guy gracefully accepts me needing more time it’s beautiful but if he reacts in emotion then what is it that I’m doing wrong… like yesterday …he was waiting to chat and I had told him I am free but suddenly I couldn’t by the time I came back he was like I guess ur busy so carry on…what do I make out of it…was that normal or did he get angry. Today morning he chatted normally. And I’m clearly hesitant to ask. Whether it hurt him or he took it casually..
    To me I feel I am over anxious…but I have no idea how to manage it ..And I don’t want to talk to him so openly either …what if he takes advantage ?

    • Pheww….Dear Rose….this was the longest query I received on my blog!! 😉
      But my answers would be short –

      Regarding both of your jobs, it is all about mutual compromise and practical decision making! So its for you both to decide using your brain and not heart.

      Regarding this guy not responding well to your messages, it is kind of a very common problem.
      Try meeting him in-person and tell him everything about anxiety. Tell everything absolutely. After all, you need to spend your entire life wit him.
      If you don’t do the above then, there would be a risk that you would be taking.

  23. Soumya says:

    Hi Deepesh Sir,

    It’s been almost one and half years that my family looking for a suitable groom for me. I am 25 years old now and last week I met a guy as insisted by my family. He is just two years elder to me and an
    MBA graduate. He is working in a finance company with very good salary. He is the second son and very childish I felt at the first meet.

    Also he said he wants to move back to his native place after few years and wants do Agriculture But his father is not in favor of this. I spoke to my mother also regarding this. She is inssisting me to talk to him again and clarify. I m totally in dilemma and not able to decide anything. Could you please help me with this? I am a Currier oriented girl and dont want to move to a village.

    • Hi Soumya,

      If the boy insists on going to village and doing agriculture and you are not in favor of it….REJECT THIS BOY. Period.

      You can definitely find other better boys
      Advice helps?

  24. Neha says:

    Hi Neha here. Just writing this to thank u for helping me overcome the situation I was facing last year. U helped me alot n gave me really helpful advices. I finally took the decision of not marrying that guy n later on I realized that it was the most correct decision I ever made. Again your advices helped alot. My hunt for groom is still going on. Hope I find it soon!
    Thank you !

    • Hi Neha,
      I have advised more than 200 people in my blog and many have thanked me immediately.
      You are the FIRST one to thank me after a year i.e. after realizing that the advice really helped.
      Your gratitude makes me humble and also encourages me to continue my selfless work i.e. advising and helping people in arranged marriage.

      You are most welcome and do let me know if you need my help in future. I have updated my contact details on my blog
      Hope you have the best husband!! 🙂

  25. Tanya says:

    Hello Deepesh sir,

    I am 30 years old.My parents have been looking for a suitable guy for longtime.Recently I got a proposal the guy is 6 years older than me ,he is well settled .Looks are also good but he is of short height to say 5ft2in or 5ft3in approx.I am also of the same height .I have no expectation of a guy being too tall but a moderation is fine.Somewhere this thought is in my mind .If he was little inches more I would have been very happy with the proposal.I am thinking i will compromise and go ahead.Is this a right decision on my part.After marriage also can this thought be a hindrance to me ?Not able to decide.Please help…

    Thanks & Regards,
    Tanya

    • Hi Tanya,
      Please go ahead and marry this guy. Period.

      If the boy scores well in the other parameters, then you can ignore the height!
      Like I always keep saying ….if he can be your best friend for life…marry him!

      • Tanya says:

        Thanks deepesh Sir.I am to an extent mentally prepared.I have now started speaking over phone but again I end up judging about his voice ,way of speaking.I think am I really happy speaking to him ?Are these normal ?If these are things to be ignored how can we get over being judgemental ?

      • Hi Tanya,

        I suggest you to give more time to understand this guy. It is normal to be skeptical.

        To overcome…always think in long terms…can you spend coming 40-50 years with this guy? Ofcourse with the few compromises that you need to go with. There has to be some number of compromises.
        BEST is speak with him directly upon your insecurities. Funnily he can help you the most…more than anybody!

  26. Hi Sir,
    Just a quick question, after a meeting, is it fine if the girl messages to take things further. Or should she wait for the guy to message and know his reply first.
    After the first meeting, if girl has already messaged to meet again for the second. But after the second one, should the wait be considered to sense the reply from the guys side ?

    • Hi Miss Blue Bird,

      If the girl had initiative for the second meeting, let her allow for the boy to take initiative for the 3rd meeting.
      If the boy is shy or whatever, then coax him or give him enough hints for the 3rd meeting…but make him do it 😉

  27. pooja says:

    Hi Dipesh sir,

    I really liked your blog and great thing you do to help people finding their ways
    I have one big issue.. It feels like I am stuck.
    I know you mostly solve arrange marriage issue.. But my one is love marriage.
    I have been relationship with this guy from college. Its been 6 years now. I am from Lucknow and the boy is from very small village in ara, Bihar.
    In beginning he lied me about everything.. Later on slowly slowly I came to know all his truth. But that time we were in relationship, and we love each other .. So I have forgiven him.
    Sometimes I tried doing breakup, but then he will cry and I will become emotional fool.
    He was also possessive. I lost all my friends who were boys..Apart from all these bad things, there was one good thing that he loved me a lot. After college, he moved to same city where I was doing job. When I changed my location, he came there..he searched for job himself there as we both are btech graduates. In such long relation, we also had physical relationship.
    Now, its time for marriage.. I told my parents abt him.. They were knowing this coz they met him before too. They said no then they were ready coz they remember the lies he told about him in early days.
    When I told my parents all the truth, also that he is from small village, his salary is less than mine.. They were not ready but some how we convinced.
    My mother is still angry! We had engagement in Feb.
    Unlike other couples, we fight a lot.. I think we are not mature enough. After this marriage thing started , we started to fight more.. Its like tom and jerry.. Fights alot but cant stay away..He still lies.. small lies..he sometimes makes fun of me in front of others n alone too.. Irritate me(he says he likes doing it) which he call ‘majak’.
    Our every call ends up in fight. I think he don’t understand me. Sometimes his majak hurt me .. But he don’t understand nor he stop If I complain.. He is short tempered.
    Currently he is not financially stable .. He takes money from me when needed but don’t return it back.
    My parents are if I want they can cancel the marriage and search for other groom.
    I am nervous and confused. If so then How will b the guy.. Will he judge me.. As I had bf and physical relationship before..
    Will I forget my bf and move on..?? I am very confused as marriage is most important decision of our life.. And we should choose our partner carefully.. Pls advise…:(

    • Dear Pooja,

      Sorry for the later reply, as I always take 2-4 days to get back to any queries. Here is your answer which is going to hurt you –
      DONT marry this guy. Period.
      Imagine your entire life with this nonsense things happening around you!!

      But I have this feeling you will still end up marrying him fearing that you will never find anyone else in life. Isn’t it? 😉
      The answer is that you can easily forget your BF…but ONLY IF you want to forget him. Many girls unnecessarily and stupidly keep sulking and never want to move on with life.

      • pooja says:

        Hi,

        Actually i have stopped all this and said no. Told my parents everything and they have talked with his parents. Marriage is cancelled from both the ends but my bf he is not able to understand this and get out from the situation. He is crying, behaving differently like very sweet as if nothing has happened and all is going fine. I have blocked him from everywhere but he is planning to meet me tomorrow as he thinks i am kidding and want to resolve the matter. He is not understanding.. He is depressed.. Even i am also depressed but m much worried abt him as in the situation he dont do anything wrong. Even he told me he will suicide.. He cant leave me.. M his everything.. Even i told him not to do these stupid things.. Told my father abt this to talk with his parents..
        He is saying he just want to meet me for 5 min. I dnt know what to do.. How to handle the situation so that he can become normal. Pls advice soon.

      • Hi Pooja,

        As I was travelling, I have thus answered to your query 4 days late. This means your BF has called you enough and cried enough. Maybe you might have even met him.
        He would keep telling things that he will change and blah blah.

        Its OK….all boys do this same thing.

        I really feel bad to give this advice again which is – you shouldn’t marry this guy.
        BUT this again is just my advice and you are free to do whatever you want in life i.e. marry him or reject him. It’s your life after all.

  28. Arun says:

    Hello Deepeshcharan,

    My name is Arun and I am writing this email from California where I work for a start up software company for the past 6months. I am 32 years old guy and my family has been seeking an alliance for almost last 3years. Last month one of my friend provided my matrimony id to his friend who’s a good looking, well educated and working women lives in chennai. Since, then we have been talking to each other and we both expressed our love to each other as well. In-fact myself, my brother and my mother all had a telephonic conversation with that girl’s mother and she agreed to take this alliance further. But, after a few days later that girl told me that her brother doesn’t like this alliance, as he feels that there is no one will come return india from usa just for the sake of marriage and he feels that we might cheat them. This thought of her brother also influenced her mom to change her mind as well. This girl doesn’t have father like me and we both love each other and wanna marry. As, we badly wanted to marry she had spoke to her mom and brother about our desire to take this forward but they are again and again rejecting her wish. One top of this we are belong to the same gothram, which is also an another reason why their family doesn’t want us to get married. As, we are unable to close out this issue, i in-fact suggested the girl to have a register marriage without informing her home, for which she had given me a big No. I am now in a confused state of mind, whether to leave this girl and look for some other profile (or) If i want to marry her what should be my further course of action. Please note : There is no issues whatsoever from my family and we are ready to take the next step if they change their mind.

    • Hi Arun,

      Her brother is right…from his point of view. Any brother would do that.
      You have to sell yourself well to this brother!! If you are a really genuine guy, then prove it to the brother. Prove to him that you are not any cheat…like those cheater boys from USA (which are many in number BTW))

      If you really love her…go to India and ‘patofy’ that brother. It might seem like any Bollywood movies like DDLJ or pyah kiya toh darna kya..but you really need to do that for your love.
      Advice makes sense?

  29. Tanya says:

    Thanks sir.I must say this is “THE BEST” initiative of helping people .I am sure with your help people are able to take positive decisions.God bless you!

  30. Ajinkya Kulkarni says:

    My que is simple.. How i can find out the level of thoughts she carrying ? I believe, who has great thoughts tht person is great. And i want my life partner should have this quality. This is only my requirement. I dont have option of love marrige, so i have to go for arrange marriage.

    So please help me.

    • Ajinkya Kulkarni says:

      Can you please reply on this….my parents are forcing me for marriage, and i am blank, wht should i do? Even i also want to get married but i dont think 3 meetings are enough to understand the level of thought she carrying. Please help me.

      • Hi Ajinkya,

        Answering both your questions, the only way is to talk and meet her more. Ask for more number of meetings i.e. more than 3 meetings.
        Trust me….if you like that girl…you will definitely like her within 3 meetings.

        BTW there is always an option of love marriage; it is just that you are too afraid or don’t have anyone special yet in your life

  31. Ashii says:

    Hello deepesh
    This is aashii, i have come across a prospect for an arrange marriage he is from a different state so we guys are trying to know each other through texts and sometimes call its been like 2 weeks, parents are yet to speak to each other . Please help me how do I know wether he is interested in me or not and what should I talk to him about I am try in to be myself but as he spins in service he hardly has time to give me a call but yes he responds back to every call and text but somehow I feel that charisma is missing and like its me who breaks the ice and tries to enter his shell to know him more anf make him more comfortable. Please help me what should I do .?

    • Hi Aashii,

      There is nothing wrong if you are trying to break the ice. You can continue doing it.

      What actually matters is that if he really likes you or wants to marry you and isn’t doing it because of any compulsion.
      Again the only way to find it out is through a blunt and honest talk only.

  32. Tanya says:

    Sir ,
    I am asking this question for my friend who is from Kerala. She is from Kottayam and boy from trissur. The boy and his family are good.She likes him as well and they have started talking.While speaking there is a difference in tone ,slag ,sometimes she is ok but sometimes she gets anxious and uncomfortable.What would you suggest for her.I tried convincing her she is getting me but again when she speaks to him she becomes judgemental.

    • Hi Tanya,

      The boy is behaving like he naturally is! If he uses slang and your friend can’t adjust and live with it then I suggest to go ahead with this boy.

      If it really bothers her a lot, then search for a better prospect. Simple 🙂

  33. naina says:

    hello, this is naina … i am born nd brought up in visakhapatnam(Andhra pradesh) and nw i am 26 yrs old… Actually i hav got an arranged marriage proposal…at frst parents came nd hus mother liked me soo much…nd den aftr around 26 days the boy came to meet me again wth his parents….actually in dat frst meetng he said that he actually not ready fr marriage nw..but bcz of her mthr he came…nd he said he is very much busy in his wrk…he has a very busy schedule…nd he said about him dat previously in college time…he didnt went to college regularly but he passed in subjects, and he has friends mostly are the girls….nd also he had a lovestry which didint workd out….nd nw he also said dat he get only two sundays free…nd full time busy if ships come nd he has to go den n der….so actually i am confused whether he is interestd in marriage or not…or in force of her mother he is sayng yes…..i am totally confused……
    and another thing aftr two days of meetng dey infrmed us dat he is ok wth this match….wat is my thinkng..nd decision…..
    the main thng iam nt understanding dat whether he is interestd genuiunly or not nw fr marriage….
    please help me …….sir

  34. Smith says:

    Hi ,
    I have seen a girl once…a proposal set up by my relatives…..I liked every thing about the girl…their family is very similar to ours….but the problem is now I can’t remember her face clearly…..and is it important to be physically attracted to the girl who you are going to marry

    • It is definitely important to be physically attracted to the girl whom you are going to marry!

      If you can’t remember her face, check her pics on Facebook or Whatsapp OR best is to meet her immediately again. Simple.

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